Its Over – I pray

June 13, 2007

Filed under home and family, outings

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Thank-you for all your prayers and kind thoughts.
Yesterday I went to Auckland for the day. I so don’t miss that place. We had to get up at 5.30 am. I counted down from 10 to 1 and then leaped got out of bed. I was on the 7am flight. The flight was ok although I don’t like flying. Got to Auckland and was met by my detective. We went to his office. I waited for a little whole in a nice peaceful room. I believe that a room’s colour can affect ones mood. Then we proceeded to court. I was ready and rearing to go. To finally get this out of the way so I could firmly shut the door on that part of my life and get on with life without it always being on the back of my mind.
I waited in a room where I had waited before at the depositions. It was familiar and this time it wouldn’t be a boring place. I had come prepared for a long wait for my turn. I meet our lawyer a very nice young lady. Had my first of many cries for the day when we got to talking how supportive my cousin in the UK and my sister have been. She said I could ring my sister if I wanted at any point throughout the day. Trouble is just thinking about her at the moment makes me cry I miss her so much. Before I knew it my detective came to get me I was very surprised I hadn’t had to wait too long at all. I waited in a side room just off the courtroom. My heart was beating very fast and LOUD. However soon my detective came back in and told me they were going to talk to some other people first. I went back to the original room knowing I would have to settle down again only to go through that feeling again later in the day. I broke all my new way of eating rules and munched happily on a large slice of cake my friend made us and that I had brought with me. If there is ever I time I use food for comfort it was then. However my very dear and wise cousin in the UK had said earlier scrap the diet for the meantime. The cake sure did help.
So for the morning I immersed myself in Him by reading and mediating on a few Psalms and a lot of Christian music that I listened to through my portable CD player that I had brought this time. One of CDs I listened to was of the Watoto Children’s Choir (whom I saw in concert many years ago).
I wrote down my thoughts and lines from the songs as they spoke to me.
He is my peace in the storm
When all hope is gone (I can lean on Him).
This line reminded me clearly of last year when He called me reminding me to lean on Him 🙂
He reigns and that being so evil cant outcome Him.
He rules!!!
Jesus even got me ready when He allowed me to listen to this song just before I was finally called. This song is from Rapture Ruckus and the lines that stood out to me were “You think because we’re Christian, we’re gonna back down, Hell NO!!”
So I went in and we had just started I felt when lunch was called. After a nice lunch paid for by my detective. I spent most of the afternoon in court doing my part. I feel I did well when giving my story.
I was strong and I think calm though forceful when cross examined.
In breaks I was emotional, crying. It seems that that is the way I cope – crying to get the stress out. Reminds me of a teacher I had once that reckoned id never die of a heart attack. After I walked across a high rope bridge and dissolved into tears on her. Can’t remember the bridge only her hug and words afterwards.
At one point on a break I got angry at the stupid silly lawyer that the accused had as she kept asking me the same questions over and over again, about the time lapse between finishing with the accused and reporting the matter to the police and how long in fact we had been living together. My detective said she was trying to trip me up. Did she succeed? I’m not sure. Upon waking up this morning and lying in bed rehashing the whole horrible time in my head I think, had I been the jury, she would have confused me but for me, it’s hard to look at my side of it when looking from their point of view. There’s parts of me that wish I had answered her questions more at the jury but hey this was my first time ever. My detective was pleased with me 🙂
There was one scary moment when I was being cross examined. The lawyer was asking about the time delay again. Why I had taken a month to go to the police and I said “I think the jury should know that he was abusive” well that did it!!!!
The court room was emptied directly (by the judge). My heart was beating fast!!!! I thought what the hell have I done???? I looked at my lawyer she did nothing she looked blankly at me. She wasn’t allowed to speak or show expression to me while I was presenting evidence.
I was allowed out while the lawyers and the judge discussed it and I asked my detective what the heck Id done. He said it was ok that it would be sorted out. He told me I wasn’t allowed to make the accused look bad (doesn’t make a lot of sense to me he is the baddy after all) I said to my detective in my defence He was!!!! He said “yes Jen I know” I had another cry.
When I was called back into the courtroom the judge asked why I felt I had to tell the jury that. I said it was part of my answer that the reason I delayed going to the police was because he was abusive and I was scared. As it turned out I was allowed to tell the jury all of that.
I won’t know how successful it was until this afternoon. My detective is going to ring me then. He hopes it won’t be a hung jury, He hopes it is over. As do I. I don’t want ever see that scum again. He had his head down the whole time I was in the court. Coward. Stand up you piece of dirt and take it like a man.
I upon reflection wouldn’t mind too much if it was a hung jury though I would be better next time. Still I am to ready to get on with life and something I feel did come out of yesterday is that Muzz is the only man for me. When I got home I hugged my boys tightly all 3 of them. Man did it feel good to be back in the Bay.

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